Whitney

My sister. Whitney. She rescued me last week.



I've been having a hard time with life lately. Nothing life-shattering or surprising.

It's been ten years now. I can recall it so clearly. My ever so quick diagnosis of SLE. I've lived with it for a third of my life. I'm what most would call a strong woman. I am. With that comes pride (which I'm always trying to get rid of), knowledge and what you might call walls. The walls, or my dam, can only hold back emotions for so long before that wall breaks. It's a cycle.

Work is hard. Budgets are being cut, people are losing their jobs and salaries will be cut soon. I can handle my own little kingdom inside my classroom. I love teaching those kids and seeing them "get it" because of me. It's some of the other politics that makes it hard. It's made me question myself. Am I losing my passion for what I'm doing? Do I need to consider a different career path? After a conversation with my rheumatologist, she confirmed that I'm in the worst possible career for my health. Wow. So, what's a girl to do?

Not to mention I am feeling my internal clock "tick" more than ever. I want to be a mother. For the last eight months I have been working with my doctors on tapering off my medications. Will it work? Will it not? Again, here's where I can tend to make a mountain out of a molehill. It's where I have to combine logic and faith. Everything in our lives is God's will. So I decided to quit fussing about it and do something. I'm so grateful to be healthy. It's been over three years since my last flare up. I've talked briefly with my sister in law Jen, who with my brother adopted a little boy in September. I'm starting the process. Either way, if I bear my own children, or if I adopt it takes time. And I don't want time to pass me by.

I'd be lying if I said these things don't effect me. They do. My sister Whitney came last week. She reminded me of who I am and what I am capable of. She nurtured me and gave me sisterly love. She took some burdens from off my shoulders. And she'll never know how much that means. I love you Whitney. Thank you.





As always, Steve is that balance I NEED. He calms me down like no one could ever do. I remember when we were dating and I had my last flare up. Mom was there. A mothers nurturing can work miracles (and I am forever grateful to you Mom)! She noticed that he could do something for me even she couldn't. She said every time he walked in the room she could literally see my body loosen and relax. He's a wonderful man. We need each other. Where I lack, he is strong.

So, thanks for listening to my venting. I'm grateful for the gospel in my life and the strength it gives me. I have too much to be grateful for to pout about ANYTHING!